Past Tense, Present Perfect
by fuzzydream
Summary: Set during the 2012 Christmas Special. Enjoying a fine picnic with his wife, Mr Bates thinks about the past, the present and what the future might bring.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Downton Abbey.

**A/N:** I've always wanted to write a picnic story, so here it is. Feedback is always very much appreacited and it encourages me to write more (or not, I suppose, if you didn't like it :P ). Thanks to my editor Terrie who nailed this quickly as usual. Thanks for reading!

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**Past Tense, Present Perfect** by _fuzzydream_

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He hadn't realised it, but he had missed Scotland. Even though they were miles from the places he used to visit as a child, there was something about it that made him smile – reminisce in fond, innocent memories of a happy time. The same freedom, the feeling of unbridled joy swept through him when they left Downton and he looked at the woman sitting next to him with a smile on his face. It was a work trip, as many before; he had gone to Scotland with Lord Grantham quite a few times over the years but never like this, never since he left prison and never since he got married – never with Anna.

She had been excited at the prospect of sometime away, to go somewhere new. They spent the whole train journey talking about the place, Anna's curious questions bringing a smile to his face as he recounted many childhood stories for her. Even though they didn't count on having much free time, and they had doubted their accommodations would be together, John had been captivated by Anna's enthusiasm, and so far they had managed to be together most of time, either it being a walk around the gardens or just talking in the servants' courtyard by themselves after supper. In a way, separate quarters reminded him of their early relationship days – the ones that lasted years and years – where everything meant propriety and restraint. It reminded him of his first weeks back, when their cottage wasn't ready and they needed to be careful – even though Anna had slipped into his bedroom more, much more than once. Anna had mentioned once maybe slipping into his room at night, but they weren't particularly confident enough to even try it. That was the main difference from the other times they lived separately: how could he restrain himself now that he had his wife to himself every day and night? When in Downton what was supposed to be the two of them having tea together at the cottage quickly before going back to work could turn into playful kisses that could turn into more dangerous territory when their tea cups would be abandoned and they'd go to the bedroom – or maybe somewhere nearer when the urgency was more than they could handle.

Anyone who complained about married life couldn't know the bliss John had been feeling ever since finally moving into the cottage with Anna.

Today, they had agreed on having a picnic; the family would be out for the day and they could enjoy themselves for a long time – and have a private luncheon too. They were lucky the cook hadn't minded and Mr Molesley and Miss O'Brien seemed far too busy to even mind them; after they chose a nice spot by the river, John was most glad for the fine weather, and wasn't surprised to see Anna had packed them much more food than they actually needed.

Anna was now sighing contently, a soft smile on her face as she took in the beautiful landscape after eating one last raspberry – though John was sure she would steal a few more from the basket before they left for the castle again. She looked mighty beautiful – wearing her best Sunday clothes and the way her eyes were sparkling in the natural light made him lose himself in their depth for a moment. He could never be thankful enough to have her in his life – to have her share her life with him. He continued observing her as she threw him a playful glance and sat uptight to start to unpin her hat and he instantly knew what she would do.

"So the beer really got to you," John grinned as she finished unpinning her hat and lay down.

She threw him a good-naturedly glare. "Hush you," she adjusted herself a bit, the pins from her own hair probably making her uncomfortable. "We won't be needed until several hours."

He watched as she finally sat up again and undid her hair in quick, practical moves. He knew better than to argue as he was very aware of Anna's ability to put her hair back together in few seconds when needed. As her blonde strands reached her shoulders, now in a low, much more comfortable, he suspected, ponytail, he was immediately mesmerised, as he often was. He still remembered the first time he saw Anna with her hair down – such a private, personal image of herself – and even though it had been nearly a year since he was released from prison, he still found himself lost in those soft locks of hair whether it was in the simple act of brushing her hair before bed or burying his face in it and smelling her exquisite scent during lovemaking.

With a knowing smirk on her lips, she lay back down, looking positively precious as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. He admired her figure, wondering not for the first time – neither the last, certainly – how was it that Anna was his. His friend, his wife, his lover. They had gone through so much, and now… now they were here. And all of it had been worth the life they lived now.

She opened her eyes after a moment or two, and smiled when she caught him staring.

"Come lay with me, Mr Bates," she asked, and he absolutely couldn't say no to her.

John was perfectly aware that his smile probably made him look like a fool, but he didn't mind; he put propriety to the back of his mind and joined Anna. It was a pretty day, everyone was out and they had only seen one passer-by, over an hour ago. He could indulge in a moment of togetherness with his beautiful wife.

She was instantly by his side, and he drew an arm around her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest. He kissed her hair and breathed in her scent deeply. God, he missed this. One would say he missed the unbridled passion he shared with Anna, but it was so much more than physical love. He missed holding her before a tiring day, he missed their late night talks – now hushed and never quite complete as they could never be sure they were really alone out in the courtyard. He missed brushing her hair and taking turns reading a book. It was the intimacy he missed the most. Quiet moments. Just the two of them.

Anna's soft chuckle broke him out of his reverie, and he smiled, though his look was questioningly. She really was up to something.

"What is so funny?"

"Nothing, it's just, when we were set to come here, I realised it would be our first trip together after our wedding," Anna told him quietly, her finger slowly drawing circles on his chest. "I had foolishly dreamt of it as a honeymoon. I imagine a honeymoon would be very different."

He smiled, not completely sure if touched or saddened by her words; he supposed that it was a good thing that she could still laugh about it the way she just did. The beginning of their marriage had been hardly ideal, but they at least had a honeymoon night, if he could call it that way. Their jobs simply couldn't give them opportunity to travel somewhere on their own and enjoy a little honeymoon by themselves. No, it would never be; at least not in the near future.

"Yes, I suppose a honeymoon would be different," John agreed quietly, opting to not utter a word about his second thoughts. Anna seemed happy – that was enough. "I'm sorry we couldn't have a proper honeymoon."

"Don't be sorry. It wasn't your fault," Anna said, turning her head slightly to look at him. Her eyes were kind. "Besides, you gave me the perfect belated honeymoon when we got the cottage. Sometimes I feel like it's never been over. Am I delusional?"

He chuckled. She wasn't delusional; he felt the same way. Nearly one year later, and he still couldn't get enough of her. He doubted he ever would; they had been separate for way too long.

"I've missed you," he declared, holding her gaze.

Anna presented him with a soft, playful smile.

"You see me every day, all day."

He nearly rolled his eyes at her teasing remark, but her smile was bright and her warmth kept distracting him.

"You know what I mean," he said.

Her response took him by surprise when she shifted and kissed him almost desperately, though delicately at the same time – the kind of kiss only Anna possessed, so much like her personality. She was leaning on her elbow and one her hands still lay on his chest. He couldn't help raising his hands to her cheeks when she moved just a bit and deepened the kiss – already deeper than any kiss they had shared in Scotland so far. As one of his hands moved to her hair, he grinned against her mouth whilst he took the thin ribbon that tied her hair together. She gasped and pulled away.

"John!" she exclaimed, though her lips were already forming a smile. "My hair will be untidy now!"

He merely laughed, throwing the ribbon on the other end of their blanket. Anna shook her head at him and sat up again to put the ribbon away with the pins of her hair. He remained lying down, enjoying the view of her backside as she moved, already feeling even happier than before. Her hair was now completely loose, cascading her shoulders just the way he liked it. She didn't appear very mad at him, as he knew it would only take her a little while to look presentable again. Sitting up slightly, Anna's back still to him, John looked around for a moment; they seemed to be completely alone. Making up his mind, he easily reached for Anna's hand, and turned around at his insistent tug, yelping slightly but melting into him when their mouths met.

It was far too easy to get lost in her kiss, especially when she lay back down and he followed, leaning down to kiss her, supporting himself in one elbow while squeezing her waist softly. Her scent was intoxicating and her kisses were languid and passionate, and he couldn't believe they had spent days without doing this, without surrendering to each other like they always did. It was far too easy to kiss her jaw when he heard a moan, far too easy to nip at her earlobe and stroke her torso through the layers of clothing. As he moved to kiss her neck, he heard a sigh and felt her hands on his shoulders. As his mouth wandered perilously close to her collarbone, Anna's hands stilled.

"John," she breathed. "Maybe we should stop…"

He registered her words slowly, pulling away to look at her after a moment – she looked a vision with her hair splayed against the blanket, her red lips parted slightly and a light blush on her cheeks. She whimpered when he moved to kiss her again, her delicate hand touching the side of his neck, and she clearly hadn't expected him to pull away so suddenly.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as Anna caressed his cheek lovingly. "I got a bit carried away."

She shook her head, softly kissing his lips. A sly smile covered her face. "It's all right. Maybe I could visit you tonight?"

There it was – the offer again. Could he refuse it a second time?

"Anna," he started, though he wasn't sure what else to say.

Anna, however, interrupted him before he could set his mind on something.

"We don't have to do anything, you know," she said. "I miss sleeping next to you. I've got quite used to it. My bedroom is terribly cold, especially with Miss O'Brien in the next bed."

John smiled; even though he and Mr Molesley had been lucky enough to each have their own bedroom, Anna and Miss O'Brien still had to share one. His wife's smile was slowly making up his mind for him.

"Wouldn't she notice your absence?"

"She is always fast asleep when I get there every evening," Anna told him quietly. "I would just have to wake up a bit earlier than normal."

He pursed his lips. There were many reasons to refuse it – the butler could find out, they could be found in a difficult position and it could easily lead to both of them being fired. The worst – and best – of all was the fact that he thoroughly doubted they could simply just sleep together; no, not after days apart. It wasn't so simple.

Though… they were married, after all. There was absolutely nothing wrong in that. And Anna had been successful at Downton when he had first been released and they had yet to have their own cottage.

She interrupted his thoughts by tentatively kissing his lips slowly, far too slowly, and he nearly whimpered; she knew she had him wrapped around her finger.

"I promise I'll try to be quiet," she whispered, and he knew she meant more than just to get into his bedroom.

He smiled. "You naughty girl."

She smiled triumphantly when he pulled away to lie back down, and he pulled her closer to kiss her temple before nuzzling into her neck as she settled against him. Her giggle was music to his ears.

"Are you happy here?" he asked tentatively, pulling away to look at her. "Besides everything?"

"I am," she said resolutely, her eyes sparkling. "Scotland is beautiful. I am so happy we're here together."

So was he, of course; Anna deserved to travel and know places. He knew she never travelled much; a Yorkshire lass who only ever visited the places the Granthams took her. That didn't feel right. Sure, they had taken her to several places in England and now Scotland, and she had gone to France with Lady Mary, but she deserved a proper holiday. He silently vowed he would do his best to one day present it to her. They could do it; maybe it would take time, but he was certain they would do it.

"We'll have a proper holiday in the future," he found himself saying. "Just the two of us. I'm not sure how, or where, or when, but we will."

"You sound so very certain, talking about the future," Anna teased him, and he knew she meant more than just that.

John smiled sadly. "The last time I did that I wasn't certain of anything for a long time afterwards," he admitted, thinking about a night too many years ago. "That's changed now. You know that."

She nodded, and he saw a shadow cross her eyes and squeezed her waist. She rested her head against his chest again, and he ran his hand up and down her arm.

"Tell me more, of the future," her voice was hesitant and small, but he could detect a bit of anxiousness too, an eagerness that was so endearing in Anna. "So we'll travel."

He nodded. "Of course we would have to have left service already to do that, so maybe we could open our own business."

She looked up at him with wide eyes, but her tone was teasing. "Really?"

"I was thinking maybe an investigation business," he offered instead of the unspoken dream, unable to voice it now. He arched his eyebrows. "You have a real talent there, Mrs Bates."

She laughed out loud now, slapping his chest softly. "Oh, John. What else?"

He feigned worry and frowned. "Well, maybe I was wrong about the trip, with it being just the two of us. We might have to take the children with us. All six of them."

Anna pulled away then, faster than he thought she would, and he had to laugh at the indignant look on her face.

"Mr Bates!" she exclaimed, looking almost angelical against the sun, that had just now graced them coming from behind the clouds. "Did _you_ drink too much?"

He kept smiling; no, of course he hadn't, and Anna knew that, still chuckling as she came back to his side. It was so easy, nowadays, to have playful conversation, to chat about nothing and everything – to think of how things had been bad in the past. This meant more than many kisses and touches; the unspoken value of the present, what they had now. The fact that they could enjoy each other without caring about the past and only dreaming of the future was worth it all they had gone through. To be able to wonder about what life would bring them without fear, with the certainty of being together. He could handle anything with Anna by his side, and he wasn't planning on letting her go anytime soon.

They had toasted to the future, but the present had never been more perfect.


End file.
